Wardrobes, Witches and the occasional lie in.

How do you get to that stage that you know you need to do some filing? Paperwork? Amazon receipts? emails? socks? clothes?

The big clue must have been when I came home with my ironing (I pay someone to do it for me)and I couldn’t fit it in the shelves. What a waste cramming the washing (nicely ironed) into a space that’s only enough space for a thong, never mind an XL t-shirt. That’s a proper thong, not a Bridget Jones pair of knickers. It could also be that I can’t fit my overnight bag in the wardrobe and it lived* (*note past tense used here) permanently on the floor beside my bedside chair… then I start to trip over things, because the bag is in the way. Not good.

I suppose I have to be grateful, 6 months ago it would have been an XXL t-shirt. Getting there, slowly.

I said to my best pal that I wanted to go public with my ‘change-in-lifestyle’ and blog daily about the various fodder-indiscretions that I have. OK, that was maybe not my best idea. There was a bitty of a silence following that suggestion. Now, I realise why there was a bit of a silence when I mentioned it. If I had gone public, I would be booking into the nearest AA meeting, or alternatively, I would have lost 3 stone, and not just a piffly 2 stone. Life is too short though. I wasn’t prepared to do that…. So, here I am….. sitting on a sagging stool (breakfast bar seat) wondering how I would have felt for the last 7 months had I given up alcohol too.. I would have been even more unbearable than I am already. I was advised not to give up all the naughty things that I do all at once…. so, a lifestyle change has involved: getting my eating under control / more healthy, lose weight, give up smoking (biggest round of applause for that one) and now it’s only alcohol that could be considered to be my biggest sin worthy of giving up.

Let me just go and have a think about that.

Nope, it’s really not going to happen!

The most satisfied I have felt in years was after clearing out my wardrobe of an accumulation of 16+ years of clothes. It felt great. It was actually more down to having / needing my wardrobe full of clothes that fit me now, not ones that used to fit / might fit / could fit…. What I discovered were heaps of clothes that used to fit, however, I know getting back down to a size 14 is a bit of a long shot! (should I be that negative?) There were the ‘fat pants’ too. There was no hesitation for those ones hitting the bin.

What I want to know is where did the white trousers come from? What possessed me to ever, ever buy white ‘anything’. Why would someone like me with a *cough* ‘curvy figure’ even imagine for a minute that white trousers would be a smart move? Anyone who knows me would be able to confirm whatever I eat tends to end up down my front at some stage in the meal, so there’s not a great deal of white ‘anything’ in my cupboards. I can’t decide if the mess I make is down to talking too much, not concentrating…. or maybe my mouth isn’t big enough?

I did throw a shirt in the disposal bag that I bought for a ‘birthday occasion’, wore it once. Red wine. The stain never, ever came out. Why did I keep it then? I might as well have put it into the garage for bike polishing purposes. There were two pairs of white trousers… and a pair of baby blue cut-offs. Now that’s practical. So, anyway, more to the point – where did the pink stuff come from, I want to know that too…. at which point did I think “Excellent, a pink top… I must have that.” I must have been off my head. I just don’t do pink.

Handbags…. who put them there? What is going on? I have a crate full of them – sparkly ones, big ones, colourful ones, little ‘dainty’ ones (*much rolling of eyes*)…. ok, the red ones I can understand, but come on, when was the last time anyone saw me with a handbag. Oh, I do remember Tommy bursting out laughing when I had a handbag – I think that was in Fort William, and I haven’t used one since! I think I will be taking a wee visit to this handy place…. it just so happens that it is just round the corner from my in-laws….

Then I got the text from Ellen…. “So, have you found anything from the 80’s yet?” I hadn’t at that point. Then, there it was…. I wasn’t expecting it…. a shirt from the 80’s, and for goodness sakes, it even had shoulder pads. *Shudder* >> Straight to bin sack. To be honest, it wouldn’t have looked out of place in Montana…. however, it’s too late, it’s going to charity!

So, who is this witch that puts really dodgy stuff in my wardrobe? Where are the style police when you need them? I realise now that I am a hopeless case…. I must keep ahead of this hoarding clothes thing… I am off to Skye soon for a couple of days… I need to buy myself a skirt for going out to dinner…. damn it…. they are all too big. 🙁 That means going shopping…. oh god, no. You see, that’s maybe a bit of a reason why I haven’t thrown anything out of the last 16 years, it’s because I must be convinced that there’s ‘something’ lurking in the wardrobe that might suit…. There’s not. It’s all pretty dodgy, apart from a seriously fantastic collection of t-shirts… I didn’t throw out any of them…. however, in my clear out, I was delighted to find The Blue Man Group t-shirt that I bought in New York…. and a Stranglers t-shirt that I didn’t know I had.

I think it’s a worry that the best part of my wardrobe collection is my t-shirts. I maybe need to grow up a bit, wake up and smell the coffee and buy some ‘proper’ clothes. Nah, ok, that doesn’t work does it? I think I will stick to the casual approach to life with the occasional ‘frock’ thrown in for good measure. Oh yes, and I have a ball to go to in October…. that means a visit to Glasgow with Ellen (and hopefully Gayle) – train – champers – shopping (brief) – cocktails – lunch – pub – train…. sounds like my kind of shopping.

In the meantime, I still have to attack the drawers in my wardrobe, (that doesn’t quite read right….) however, after 3 glasses of wine the other night, enough was enough…. Ed does find it amazing though that I still have full wardrobes even after throwing out 4 sack loads…. At least I don’t have to worry about my random sock drawer. Odd socks are fashionable, aren’t they?

I wonder what else is lurking in the wardrobes that I wasn’t aware of… hmmm. There’s a thought. Maybe I should be throwing out some shoes next….

So, I have covered, wardrobes, witches and now to cover the ‘lie in’ bit. I really want a lie in…. and not feel guilty about it… Every time I even get close to a lie in… a little elf shouts “GET UP lazy ass….” (or words to that effect…) you know who you are. 🙂

Right – Montana blog next up. That won’t be as boring, it has pictures.