This blog wasn’t what I intended in the slightest.

This is maybe not such a quality, ‘sensible’ idea starting to write a blog when a) my sense of humour has taken a strange slant tonight; and b) I have had a couple of glasses of rosé. Mind you, some of the best blogs have involved both a & b. 🙂 Taking that into consideration, and realising that my original title “Driving like a Donkey”, didn’t quite fit what my fingers did when they hit the key board….  Hey, ho. Go with the flow. Heehaw.

There’s one thing that I know I need to blog about, and that’s our summer holidays. That’s too much to think about right now, and I should do something about it! Pfft.

There’s been heaps going on over the last few weeks, so much that one blog isn’t going to do it.  A fantastic holiday in Madeira

The view from our balcony

was the most horizontal I have been for a continual two week period. Get yer mind out the gutter. I read more than 12 books, lost count after 10. The only reason I lost count after 10, was the effort involved to include my toes in the counting process. If the sun was out, we were worshipping the sun. If it lashed with rain, we didn’t. Simple. (Note the absence of a ‘simples’. That’s too irritating, and sadly it’s cute.)  We had an apartment. Sorted.  We didn’t have wifi in our apartment, so we had to walk along our corridor, go up 3 floors (for me in the lift, it hurts my knees. Ed went by the stairs – extra exercise you know!)  walk along the corridor, up the stairs, then you were in wifi land. Hell, we were on our holidays, we could deal with the extra pressure. Phew, just exhausted with the effort.

The weather proved ‘challenging’ in the first week, however, we thought, ‘sod it, let’s chill.’  It was monsoon season. Really, the flag at the sea was on red for 3 days in a row in the first week alone. All the sunbeds were dragged away by the staff and the H&S barrier removed too. Removed because it was going to get blown away. That’s serious $hit. The thing is, we had it on good authority that “We haven’t had rain for 9 months, and generally very dry conditions for a year.” Really? There was a streak of ‘$hite’ that was washed off the island during the storm. Other than the red flag being a big clue, the brown streak heading out to sea was an even bigger clue.  The temptation of doing a wee diving course (it will happen) during our holiday was out the question.

The huge bonus was, there were two little shops outside the hotel / apartments, that were nae bad. The brilliant thing was, they both sold our favourite rosé wine. Lancers. I don’t know how much we used to pay to ‘buy in’ Lancers, however, I think that we couldn’t beat the 3.95 euros for a bottle. Holy cow! As soon as I spotted it, I was tugging Ed’s sleeve like a wee lassie, dragging him toward the bottles. Why was I so excited? We can’t buy it into the business any more 🙁 hence when you follow the linky, it’s out of stock. Not out of stock in Madeira, it seems. Bonus.

All in all, we tried to have only one meal out a day. We either cooked (bacon and scrambled eggs were a favourite – (twice) or ate salad. Then the rest of the day was a lottery. One day, it was pretty shitty weather, so we had brekky,  lunch and dinner. It tipped the calorie scales, no amount of trotting up to find wifi was going to get rid of the calories.

The other view

We had some good suggestions for where to eat, one restaurant in particular, Ed’s Mum had recommended, which involved a long walk there and back. The food was excellent at Doca do Cavacas

Doca do Cavacas

The other divine eating experience was in Mozart

Fi in Mozart

Divine food

Tiny galley kitchen at Mozart. Impressive.

When the weather was poor, there were moments where I wished I was at home riding my bike, especially given we knew the weather was stunning at home and I was missing out on some runs with the IAM. Ed did even get information on hiring motorbikes, however, during the bad weather the island touring roads were closed anyway. Oh well, better just have a seat and read another book. There was even a day where I read two books in one day. I guess that’s what holidays are all about.

Early morning

Silver lining

Apparently crime in Madeira is minimal. Probably being an island, there’s nowhere to hide. The local police were parked up minding their own business (read, doing naff all).

The transport police?

All in all, it was a really good restful holiday. We were disappointed that the weather prevented a tour around the island, however, I know that we will probably go back. The food was excellent, the wine yummy, the accommodation great. The only inconvenience was the lack of wifi, hey ho. Oh, forgot about the pub which was a stagger (just as well) from the front of the hotel. Number 2 pub was cheap as chips. Yep, really, really cheap. Why Number 2? Apparently that’s because the customer is #1. Cool. What wasn’t so cool was me behaving really badly one night, funnily enough under the influence of a great deal of red wine. In actual fact, it was the closest I have been to 1) being banned from a pub and 2) verging on being arrested. What possessed me to get rid of the last drop of water from my glass by throwing it over my shoulder, I don’t know. It landed on a very pi$$ed off man’s cashmere jumper. It was time for a sharp exit. I was dragged home in disgrace. I did apologise, about three times, and certainly the expression ‘you can’t take me anywhere, but can take me back to apologise’ springs to mind. The owner and staff forgave me, thankfully. Note to self, save the water fights to the kitchen in the house. Oh, or it seems (reflecting for a moment…) the middle of a pub in London, which was the last time I had ‘gooshed’ someone in public. Sorry Ronnie. That was a whole pint of water that time though. It seems I am fond of an impromptu water fight. Be warned. That’s the confession out the way. It’s about as public as I get, bar posting on Facebook.

Would I recommend Madeira? Yes. Don’t get me wrong, we were surrounded by older, retired people and felt quite ‘young’ in comparison. Don’t let that put you off, because it’s lovely and clean, immaculate actually and the quality food and drink kind of makes it worth while. Short flight (expensive) and good accommodation. Makes it ideal for a winter break. Maybe next time we will tour the island!