Technology and Luddites

Friday night, I have spent the best part of the day behind the wheel of my CR-V. Pfft. I have to say, I have had a request for a report on my recently acquired ‘practical steed’.

Here it is:

It’s smooth, quiet, can lift her skirts when required. She is sitting at 42mpg average, which is an improvement of 10mpg to my fleeing machine. She does the most interesting thing when I stop her. She sings. It’s as if all the engine parts are having a ‘wee chat’. It’s quite lovely.

You know when you get used to a car, it’s getting used to all the quirks and foibles, getting to the 300 yard sign for a 30, it’s interesting, take your foot off the accelerator and experiment, we’ve all done it. The CR-V just goes on and on. Typical Honda then. Brake. Gear change. Sorted.

Cruise control is a joy. In my previous blog, my last car had a steering wheel, 4 wheels (important, and good luck to the next owner finding suitable tyres for it), a stereo (got shaken to bits regularly) which was crap with a capital ‘C’. No offence to the previous owner, but it was crap. Future stereos will be crap. It’s a stripped out road-going-race-car. Good luck with the stereo. Ed HATED THAT CAR.

Today, I was like a mobile disco. Two of my favourite songs came on; Hazel O’Connor; ‘Will you’ and Cranberries ‘Zombie’. The first, is by far my favourite song, and for 30 miles, I replayed it. Just because I could. The second is everyone’s nightmare if it gets played anywhere. Want to clear a room? The sound system in the CR-V rocks. The only downside is, Ed’s had more time in the car than I have, so it’s all his ‘stuff’ that’s loaded into it. Good god. The car is how old? Ed has done more miles in it than I have.

I got to the dizzy heights of 42.1mpg at one point today, booted the arse off of her; swiftly it went down to 42 again. I was ‘rallying’ her a bit though, well, it seems rude not to, I have a reputation to uphold.

Last night, (digressing, I know) after an ace night with my Associate, on the way home, I passed a pal, driving his van with a trailer. I flipped my lid (no, not that kind of ‘flipping your lid’) because I didn’t think he would recognise the bike. I went passed him, tooting my horn, going up through Glen Ogle, waving as I went. Twisties ahead. Nae buther, no traffic, flipped the lid back down, pushed and pulled on my bars with one hand whilst I un-flipped my lid (because it was safe) and carried on regardless. Whiffled through the twisties, as you do, and carried on. Big grins.

When I got home, I sent him a ‘peep peep’ message.

He’s changed his phone, and hasn’t transferred the numbers. His reply was, “Me thinks this might be Mrs Rocket Robertson?” Busted. He christened me ‘Rocket Robertson’ about a decade ago. Not that I am ‘Rocket Robertson’ on my bike, but I am getting there. As much as you can on a F650GS.

Anyway, luddites. I have to fill that category. I haven’t a clue what all the buttons do. I am struggling with the technology in a technologically-laden car. FFS, the manual is as thick as … erm… um, what do I compare it to? Stuck for a description. I did use the sat-nav today to good effect. Braw. Got me to Kirkliston. Just as well, we had no 00 flour for pizzas.

I can’t say I enjoyed the experience. I took the ‘back road’ round Callander, the one via Comrie and Braco. I know there is ‘another’ back road, however, couldn’t suffer the pain of going down past Loch Lubnaig behind a bunch of drivers doing 40, in a tank that was going nowhere.

It was great. Straight-lined (flattened out the bends) through the moor. Gave me a chance to truly find out what the CR-V was all about. It’s not the same though. Being on the bike makes you concentrate more; being in the car, you start to think about ‘stuff’, that’s not good.

I was knackered when I got home.

As for the car, it is just fine. Practical. Could have fitted a ton of flour in it. Should have taken my bike and a couple of hefty plastic bags with me though. The problem is, you have time to let your mind wander. On the bike, all you can think about is survival. Not that you don’t do that in the car, but not the same kind of ‘survival’ given you have a 3/4 ton of car round about you.

This is coming from who was a confirmed ‘car petrolhead’. I can’t believe the change in me. The moment when I think, “How can I get 75kg of flour on my bike!” and realising the practicalities of the whole thing, and being disappointed in taking the car.

The ‘other’ luddite bit, was getting a ‘friend’ request from my Mum’s best pal. You can only imagine the conversation
that took place. I started to explain that I didn’t want to have her going out for lunch with her pal, and for her friend to say, “Yes, I know all of that from facebook.” Trying to explain to someone who doesn’t know anything about the word “google” fell on deaf ears. She slipped into a rant about hitting a hammer on youngsters with smart phones and ipads… not realising that hitting them with a hammer isn’t going to stop their interaction on the internet.

She’s getting there, my Mum. She has my old laptop in her house. It’s not been plugged in yet, we haven’t organised an internet connection, however, she’s already dangerous. I am not looking forward to her being able to reply to the “Daily Rant” *read, Daily Mail, whenever she feels like it. It’s a bit of a worry.

Don’t feel so smug, she can type faster than you, reader, and she can also recite the QWERTY keyboard. Her first introduction to a computer I ‘forgot’ (on purpose) to tell her how to use a mouse. No problem. She didn’t need it.

Be afraid of my Mum, be very afraid when we get the laptop connected up. Oh dear.