Idiots and things.

May contain a few swear words.

As usual, it’s full-on at the business and it’s even more full-on with my hobby. I don’t know where to start first, so I suppose it’s dealing with all the adventures that unfold at work.

Recruiting staff is becoming even more challenging. After all, there are limited amounts of locals who actually want jobs (and potentially, I don’t know if I would give them a job) and now it seems, thanks to politics, Eastern Europeans are nervous about working in Scotland. So, we have the last few weeks been recruiting like crazy. About 32 staff. We need more and the supply is limited. It’s now Easter. Deep joy. Where has the time gone?

Some of our team have settled in really well and quite honestly some didn’t last 2 weeks. The latter ones I hope the door smacked them on the arse on the way out – it was like working in a Kindergarten. Now, to explain; the team get well fed at their work, so much so, newbies get a bit of a head of steam on and attack the cake cabinet – lots of nom noms going on. Give it a month and they’ll find that their new work trousers have shrunk. Must be the washing machine. However, you know, feeding 90 staff is expensive so we do have a limit to how much they pile on their plates. 2 tattie scones, 5 rashers of bacon and enough mushrooms to open a shop all piled on a plate is ripping the arse out of it. I had a word. It didn’t go well. Last seen stomping through the restaurant with a face like fizz. I pulled him up about it. His answer? ‘No-one can see me’. As you can imagine, I reminded him that if I could see him, the customers could too.

This (ex) team member threw his toys out the pram and refused to eat. Little wonder then by Saturday afternoon, he was found to be taking an extra break. Why? Because he was tired. Oh bless. There, there. Don’t get me wrong, no matter what anyone says, it’s hard work. Really hard work. Some folk must wonder why all I want to do is curl up in a ball and hug a bottle of wine after a day of goings on in the business. This is a tiny example.

Some who were employed, albeit briefly, thought it was quite reasonable not to come into work without as much as a phone call. They couldn’t phone (no credit) or even send a message with their partner to say to a supervisor that they were unwell. No offence, they live so close, they could have sent a fucking paper airplane. Yep, they’ve gone too. Watch that door.

It is challenging, however, we have a pretty big business in the middle of nowhere, employ over 90 staff and we do have to keep them all in check. The most recent complaint has been a late night shag-athon. It seems like no-one wants to deal with this one, which includes the guilty party bursting into song after, singing the lyrics to ‘I feel good…. Do be do be do…’. Oh, give it a rest, it’s the middle of the night. Some people have to work tomorrow! I get all the best jobs delegated up to me!

We built new staff quarters – extending a house – it now has 9 en suite double rooms, two kitchens, big lounge, a conservatory….. It was a huge job, a huge investment and did create one or two headaches. It’s being lived in now. It’s been an interesting start.

In the first week of housing people in our hotel-standard rooms we had complaints. ‘We can hear people moving around upstairs’. Said in a whiny voice. OH MY GOD. Where did these people live before? A bungalow? A tree house? Did we say that our room was as sound proofed as the Premier Inn? No we bloody didn’t. Do we charge you £80 a night? No, we charge you £41 a week, now fuck off and go live in a caravan.

So, just as we were completing the house, imagine to our horror we found  that Quayside had struck again. Literally. So far their ‘hit-list’ includes:

  • The western exit wall. With floodlight. Three times.
  • The eastern stone dyke. Twice. The locals thought it was an earthquake.
  • The three-way sign at the bike park. Suitably warped.
  • The express diesel pump pulled from its mountings.

Now it’s our workshop. A driver, unwell decided to keep driving so he could park up at The Green Welly. Thanks for that. He must have passed out at the wheel and frankly was lucky not to lose his head as he smashed tractor-first into our workshops. Ambulance called. HGV being involved meant our local finest Fire Brigade attended and given the hit list, I was so pissed off I called the police. More to get an incident number than anything. This wasn’t going to be an estimate written on a bit of paper that involved a cash transaction. This is going to be expensive. Here we are about 4 weeks on and the insurance assessors still haven’t got their fingers out. Oh hurry up.Oopsie!

This might explain the supersonic rate at which my hair is going white!

Thank goodness I have my hobby that keeps me sane. Well, mostly! It’s observing season again and yes, it keeps me busy and focusses my head on motorcycling and not worrying about what’s happening next in The Green Welly Stop Saga. Every day there’s an adventure that’s for sure. This year though, the variety of adventures is jaw droppingly daft and quite frankly I’m glad I’ve got the distraction of motorcycling because I think I might just get a stock of custard pies and start chucking them around.

Easter weekend. It was heaving on the Saturday. My job included (but not limited to) dishwashing, clearing tables, filling shelves with cakes and sandwiches, delivering meals, clearing up after people. It’s 4pm and my feet have been worn to a stump. I’ve just heard that someone decided to dismantle one of the benches out on the patio. I mean really. How bored would you have to be to think, “Oh, I’m bored. What can I do? I know, I’ve got my Swiss army knife, I’ll take this bench to bits and see how long it takes for someone to notice.” There’s a cunning plan.

Screaming kids can get on your nerves and make me grind my teeth somewhat. There was one family and the two lads were playing a game on a mobile phone. It was up at maximum volume and I could see that it was making other customers cringe too. There’s no point talking to the adult, she was sitting with her nose in her mobile too. I spoke to the two lads and asked them very politely to turn the volume down. They did so straight away. The look of relief on the other customers’ faces was great. The adult however, gave the kids a ‘look’, so I couldn’t help myself and said, “Aye, I’m sure you are able to just shut out the noise, you’re used to it!” What ever happened to table manners? How can kids grow up and know how to conduct themselves at a dinner table without the distraction of an iPad or mobile?

Then there’s those people who seem to think it’s acceptable to wander in, find a clean table, park their arses, open their bags and take out their picnic – the sandwiches, drinks, crisps. Some even bring in the loaf of bread, butter and slices of ham. COME ON. Would they walk into McDonald’s and whip out their sandwiches and packet of crisps? I bet they wouldn’t. Why do people seem oblivious to the fact there are about 100 people waiting patiently in a queue to get served? See, the world is full of idiots.

We had a coach of folk in this morning (one of many, I’m sure – I wasn’t counting). The cheek of the driver. He actually asked our Food & Beverage Manager if we could let his customers ahead of the others in the queue because they didn’t have much time. No we bloody well will not. Why drivers think that we would even consider that is beyond me! How hacked off would you be if we did that to you? It’s Easter weekend, traditionally one of the busiest of the year and these guys fail to plan appropriately and for some reason think that it’s our fault for being busy. Get tae. Oh, did I say that the driver was sitting on his arse, quite comfortable, eating his full breakfast? He had probably jumped the queue to get it too. Grrrr.

In the meantime, I’m looking forward to putting my feet up with a well deserved glass of wine. The team have done a fabulous job today – a first taste for many of how busy it can get. I’m a proud ‘Mum’ that’s for sure. I’ve been around the team with a big basket of chocolate goodies – no creme eggs this year, our suppliers were all sold out.Happy Easter all. Now, where’s that motorbike?


9 comments on “Idiots and things.”

  1. Tommy says:

    That’s some rant Mrs but all of it gave me a chuckle.

  2. And not a comment on Mr Angry… will that ‘follow on’ ?


  3. Fiona says:

    Saving that gem!

  4. Jeff Brewitt says:

    Hi Fi…you gave me a good laugh! So candid and well-written. Would definitely consider coming to help you out one summer, maybe once Rudy is gone. Have been enjoying your website and all your thoughts, insights, and world and local travels. Say hi to Ed & Lesley for me…much love, Jeff

  5. Fiona says:

    Let’s not talk about wee Ruby like that, however, I can just imagine your enthusiasm selling Cullen Skink! Xx

  6. Lizzi says:

    Well, there you go. Happy days, Fi. Would you have it any other way?

    Much love to you and yours

    Lizzi xxx

  7. Angie says:

    Ha ha ha sounds like hell – bet it felt good to get that off your chest. I don’t miss working front-line in the tourist industry one bit! Why not jump on your bike and nip on down here for a gas and a nice cappucino … after the easter madness – I’ll make it of course! xx

  8. Wilson Hutchison says:

    A very Happy Easter to you Fi. Keep up the great work and the blog, fantastic!

  9. Richard says:

    Funnily enough, this exact blog post sprang to mind this morning, as I faced a Quayside truck hammering down the wrong side of Callander main street, ignoring all the trivia that we mere mortals have to deal with, like rights of way, traffic lights and other traffic. Gits…

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