Idiot season is here again

That’s it, the idiots are on the road again. Sadly those idiots are the ones on motorbikes. I don’t mean all motorcyclists. Steady. I mean the ones that obviously say to themselves, “Yee-bloody-hah, Spring’s here, time to dust off the motorbike and go for a howl around the countryside.”

Don’t get me wrong, bikers are a great bunch, really friendly. There are those though that drive me to distraction and today at work I was literally left with my mouth hanging open. That’s not a pretty sight.

The casual biker. They must be. They ride a motorbike in jeans. Gravel rash springs to mind. Gads. Donor day is another thing that springs to mind, and unfortunately, today, a biker in Glencoe was a victim. 🙁

The show off biker. The one that thinks it’s cool to pop a wheelie in the village, rip open the throttle of their bike and see how fast they are going when they get to the NSL signs.

What possesses people I wonder, to buy a bike that’s obviously too tall for them? One guy today was perched on the edge of his bike seat, left foot on the ground and his right foot barely reached the foot peg. No way was he even able to go on tip-toes. Look, get a grip, admit that you are vertically challenged and buy a bike that fits. Really… watching him getting onto the bike was fascinating. Nearly as interesting as the GSA rider using his foot peg to DISMOUNT. Good bloody god, am I missing something here? It’s not a damn horse you are getting off!

Random parking. There’s bike parking. Really, we have a hard stand. Actually, we have overflow parking too. So, don’t park next to the ‘no parking’ sign, please don’t park in the disabled parking – unless of course you are disabled.

I did get caught out once in the business. I questioned a bloke who was well and truly parked in the disabled parking spot at the front of the restaurant. Serves me right, or did it? He whipped his bike trousers up and displayed his prosthesis. That was embarrassing, for me, I did recover though. However, I did ask him why he didn’t display his disabled badge, apparently they are knickable. ok. (is knickable a word?)

The next part of the rant.

Please wait until the car that has just filled up with fuel to pay for their fuel and move, before squeezing your bike in between the pump and the car. It’s not very thoughtful, especially when the owner of said car comes over and can’t get into the car, because your bloody bike is in the way. The driver had a word. The CCTV footage is entertaining.

What’s also not in the slightest bit cool is you having to paddle your bike back, so the driver can get in, whilst STILL PUMPING PETROL. Idiot of the day award.

I don’t know when I became a critic, however, does common sense not come into it? Why are there so many bikers that spoil it for the majority of considerate ‘thinking’ bikers. Dear goodness, get the proper gear, get a bike that fits, and you know, no one likes a show off. If you are going to be a total w@nk on our forecourt, never, ever forget we have CCTV and can pop it onto youtube in a nano-second…. so tempting.

11 comments on “Idiot season is here again”

  1. Rennie says:

    Sadly (or not) bikers encompass all factions of our communities and in the same way some idiot bloke watching a football match can tarnish a whole nation (remember England fans were band from matches for a while, whilst the Tartan Army were praised) we stand to have all bikers tagged for the wrong doings of a few. Bikes and bikers are noticeable, especially when get it wrong.

    Remember the old maxim from the earlier incarnations of the Blue Book… Quiet efficiency is the hallmark of an expert.

    Keep up the good work and keep on ranting… it saves me ding it 😉

  2. Fiona says:

    ‘Quiet efficiency of an expert’ – indeed. In this case, I’ve not been quiet! However, having a wee rant on my own website is less damaging than my public, business one! Thank you for commenting Rennie. I don’t often have a good rant…. When I do…. I rant!

    It’s so frustrating. I just want to go and give the eejits hell. it’s difficult reining in my inner demon that sits in my left shoulder.

    Then the wee angel on my right shoulder gives me a slap.

  3. Jake says:

    Oooh errr missus!

  4. Craig says:

    People just can’t control themselves…
    I don’t know, just having all that power between their legs, just goes to a lot of ‘lads’ heads… I don’t know if I’d be able to handle it… hence why I’ve not got a bike..

  5. Craig says:


    And you’re getting older by the day…
    I’m not sure that qualifies as YOU getting more mature and wiser…
    however… you are swapping your FD2 for a a a a 4×4….

  6. Kenny says:

    Fiona, you have yet again brightened my day with anecdotes of Arseholineness ( is that a word … it is now). Just in from a heavy night Concerting and chuckling away merrily. I vote that we have a wee afternoon in Tyndrum with a sticky and a coffee, reviewing all of these clips, and then selecting a top ten for you tube. Whatcha think Rennie? It is indeed sad when we here of some poor soul being “Collected” in The Coe or surrounding area, when we know that there is a good probability that this could have been prevented. ” Making safe Progress using Quiet Efficiency” is fun, when doing so along with like minded souls, knowing that we are all safe riders, however it is evident from your rant that some, who would tar us all, are sadly deficient, and devoid of sense and practicality. I despair sometimes. It isn’t big and its certainly not clever, so “Get a Grip” Nuggats!!! ” he says rather politely” LOL

  7. Fiona says:

    Older, yes. Wiser? Hold on a minute! As for trading in the FDR, aye, will that make me old and slow?! Really?!

  8. Susan says:

    I’m really glad you’ve written this Fi. I’m afraid I encountered a biking ersehole on Friday afternoon. I very nearly posted a status about it but I didn’t want a backlash of defensiveness from those I love and cherish who do ride, and ride to very high standard.
    I was driving back home from work in Edinburgh, chugging along in very slow traffic approaching the bottom of Drumbrae heading for Barnton on Queensferry Road. 1st gear all the way, 5mph tops. I heard the bike before I saw it, I knew it was roaring up the middle of the 2 lanes of traffic at what was (in my opinion) far too fast a speed. I eventually clocked it coming in to view. At that moment, I switched lanes. The bike was still WAY behind me. The rider however took it upon himself to stop beside my car, batter the passenger side window repeatedly with his fist and gave me mouthfuls of abuse about how I am another inconsiderate motorist who will eventually be responsible for the death of a rider. If I hadn’t been so shocked and upset I’d have given as good as I got, explaining I have riders in my family and know exactly how to drive whilst keeping and eye out. Instead however I burst in to tears and APOLOGISED to this guy. I’m not sure what possessed me and it certainly didn’t do any good, as it didn’t appease him at all. He then rode off whilst flicking the bird at me. Then he ran the red light at Barnton. I couldn’t believe it had happened. I wish I could remember his license plate.

  9. mike says:

    I just knew this weekend would be the opening of the flood gates for the summer riders (not that protecting your bike from winter road salt is a bad thing!) and I know I was bad enough after an enforced two weeks off for the snow!
    Tyndrum seems to be a magnet for bikes, and while there are numpties out there on two wheels, I bet there were plenty out there in their cars doing daft stuff.
    Name and shame, whether they be bikers or ‘cagers’ – bad riding/driving/manners aren’t acceptable whatever your transport!

  10. Jake says:

    Loonies, idiots, casual and show off bikers, and the IAM.

    Well, there’s a fine range of bikers; all trawled up, selected, culled or chosen from the same pot of people who only really have one thing in common – riding two wheeled vehicles.

    I agree that there are some of the above mentioned to be seen out there every day, and there’s also that exclusive bunch of ‘Not Mentioneds’ who just go out and ride and accept that in biking circles – as in life as Rennie alludes to – there are some people who are ‘different’.

    The Casual Rider may not be attired correctly, or ride an up to date top of the range bike but they are doing what they want and choose to do and when they choose to do it. Are they ‘less’ because of that?

    The Show Off Biker…….well, there’s a lot of it about and that’s another thing they choose to do where and when etc, and though they bring disrepute upon every biker (in the eyes of Joe Public) that is again their choice and it don’t do to worry too much ‘cos you’ll not change the SOB’s, despite the best efforts of the organisations like the IAM set up to do so, or JP’s perception of anything on two wheels.

    The Loonie Riders abound on the roads, and they are not just on two wheels. Our run yesterday showed up lots of the two and four wheeled variety, the former often easily identifiable by their colourful plumage, and the latter with their colourful language.
    On the A9 we encountered the worst one yet this season; a poor soul in a BMW estate car, loaded with kids and wife, who decided that we should not be overtaking on the dual carriageway section. His opinion of bikers must have been at an all time low (I suspect from having encountered some of the SOB’s and LR’s at one time) and to see a motorcycle actually using it’s manoeuvrability and acceleration to make progress got him really upset.
    Without the benefit of 45 years of riding/driving experience we could easily have become involved in a situation with him.
    They are out there, they chose to be the choobs they prove themselves to be and we need to accept it, learn, and avoid them.

    Then there’s that bunch of ‘Not Mentioned’ riders; the NM’s for brevity.
    We probably saw a lot of NM’s, but because they were not being loonies, showing off or riding so casually as to attract attention I didn’t actually make any mental note of them.
    I would guess that they will be the over under 40/over, 40, married/single/divorced, white/non white, male/female/other, tall/vertically challenged, able bodied/non able bodied kind of person who rides a motorcycle, and no different from you, or me.

    I’d also guess that not all of them were IAM trained.

    If they were NOT on motorcycles would we be so critical of them? Accept them for what they are, with all their faults and foibles and remember that we are probably less than 100% perfect ourselves (well, we non IAM types) and let’s just get on with our own lives, and remember what ‘Rabbie’ suggested;

    “O’ wid some pow’r the gifti gie us…………”

  11. Fiona says:

    Good god, Susan, that’s a hellish experience. As you say a real shame that you didn’t get a number plate! That’s just plain rude!!! GRRRRR!

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