Called a ‘slapper’!

Life at The Green Welly Stop continues, and the pre-Easter deliveries are coming in thick and fast. When I arrived at work this morning, there were 3 HGVs waiting to deliver. Two were backed up, unloading their copious contents.

You never know what’s going to happen on a day-to-day basis; what I did know that my desk was going to continue gathering dust. Not a bad thing, really, I’ve thoroughly enjoyed the learning curve over the last 6-odd weeks of returning to the shop floor.

The first thing I had to do, was deliver an order to the foyer shop. All entered into Lucas, our EPOS system. Why Lucas? The guy that developed the software has a son called Lucas. There are numerous calls on the walkie-talkie asking, “Can I update Lucas?”

Pulling the trolley through the door via the Snack Stop, I got involved in a conversation with some customers. It took them about 3 minutes, if that, to realise I was the boss. They commented that it must have been a quiet winter. I told then that it’d been a hectic winter, that we’d been quite busy. “What, with skiers?” “Not necessarily, the business has thrived on 50 years of rain. I personally don’t care what people are doing, who they are or what they spend, as long as they come in!”

“What a slapper!” Was their reply. I gaffawed. It was a great start to my day. As the conversation continued, I said that life revolved around customers – profit – reinvestment- customers – rinse and repeat.

I got the call at 8:50am. Asking if I could cover the Filling Station. That gave me an idea pretty quickly what I was going to be doing. I made sure I got a breakfast break. My desk continues to gather dust!

In the meantime, the team were fighting in the background with a HUGE delivery. Filshill. It’s the second biggest account in the business, behind the massive Gulf account. Remember, you must order a complete tankful of fuel, that’s 36,000 litres. Do the arithmetic. Here’s a wee picture of one part of the store.

16 of the buggers

16 of the buggers

I made sure I had an early breakfast break. I survived very well, considering. I had to buzz for help twice. Ring the ‘answer the back door bell’ code about three times. More deliveries. I covered 4.5 hours on the counter before my team remembered I needed a break. Lunch has never tasted or felt SO GOOD!

One of our regular HGV drivers was in. “What’s the national emergency that you’re in charge?” I explained. “Och, well, at least the workers behind the scene are younger than you. Anyway, I’m paying, so they can fucking get on with it!”


The team worked on. Emptying the numerous cages, 16 of them. Respect. I got the easy job, cheers!

Then there was the bloke that wanted to pay for a (£1.30) bottle of water. When I told him it was a £5 minimum spend, he threw the bottle across the counter. I asked if he wanted it. His look said it all. I said, “Don’t worry, I’ll put it back.” Spot the touch of sarcasm.

Jump start

Jump start

You see everything, including the customer determined to stretch the hose across the car. It wasn’t going to reach. In amongst two ther cars needing ‘authorised’, it’s sometimes difficult to stop what you’re doing and announce over the tannoy that he needed to move his car. What I wanted to say was this, “Look, ya pillock, if you noticed the little, teeny weeny arrow next to your petrol gauge in your car, you might save yourself the embarrassment of being told off on the forecourt, you knob.” Thankfully, I restrained my ‘inner voice’. For once.

In the meantime, my team have battle through a ton of sweeties, booze, crisps, and other (not so) nourishing things in the delivery. All it takes is for Susie and I to download the EDN (electronic delivery note). Simple? No. It needs to balance. Does it? It’s 5:50pm. We’re pooped. It’s £6 out of balance. We decided to save the work and go at it fresh in the morning. So, I have to analyse 640+ items; £9880 of stock, to find what is potentially one small error. Wish me luck.

On an aside, my team are amazing. They suffer my brief tantrums and tourettes every day. Thankfully. They are the life and soul and entertainment all rolled into one.

One comment on “Called a ‘slapper’!”

  1. george says:

    Always interesting reading , Fi

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