Boobs and Blunders….

What can I say about a title like that, other than boobs and blunders are definitely part of my life. It would be boring though to go through life without having a laugh. The best gift to have in life, in my opinion is to be able to laugh at yourself. If you can’t do that, then really you shouldn’t have a laugh at other people’s expense…. Ok, ignore that – just laugh at them anyway!

Living up here in the sticks can have its entertaining moments. I have a book (or two) which is full of customer comments, criticisms and laughs. I have wanted for years now to write a wee book, with recipes and customer gags. This is as close as I have managed to get there!

We had Dutch friends to stay last week. Their grasp of the English language is truly awesome. As much as I can say “Thank you; you’re welcome; enjoy your meal and a dialect version of Cheerio” in Dutch, it’s still amazing the language skills they have! Mind you, I wonder in the good ol’ days when they invented the Dutch language it was made awkward on purpose!

Solange and Henk when they stayed shared a couple of belters. When having drinks in a pub, Solange instead of saying “Slàinte Mhath” raised her glass and said “Up Yours!” ….. oops! Henk on the other hand was in a coffee bar and the Barista asked if he would like chocolate on his cappuccino. Instead of saying “I’d love some…” he said “I love you….” He did get a strange look!! Still, their English is better than my Dutch so I can hardly criticise! It was funny though!

When I used to go on my holidays to Portugal, I learned quite a lot of the language, including some cracking swear words. One word in particular ‘sounds like’ “Brush” but is actually something that should be in a chapter of Kama Sutra. We had a Portuguese member of staff working with us, who was asked to ‘Brush’ the floor. To say he flipped his lid, taking exception to the request was an understatement. I was called down to speak to him… In my limited, but apparently understandable Portuguese, I explained it was not what he thought. Luckily he calmed down enough to sweep the floor.

The Scots language you have to admit must be a bit hard for visitors to understand. Some parts of Scotland – mainly in the borders, use “Ken?” I heard a story the other day about someone who couldn’t work out who Ken was, “Ya ken?” The other cracker would have to be the double positive = negative, the best understatement in the Scots language in my opinion: “Aye, right.”

I met an American recently at work who asked of his tour guide: “Who is this guy Ben Nevis that you keep going on about?” I did have to apologise to him for roaring with laughter. Gave him a free coffee to go!

Not being known for my subtlety, I had to phone up a local business man this morning to ask him to pay for food hygiene training from two months ago. I met him last week and reminded him that he hadn’t paid yet.

On the phone this morning, he said, “Oh, I know I wrote the cheque out and put it in an envelope…. But I didn’t know your address, and had to look it up on the website….” WTF? I called him a loony. It was out my mouth before I could help myself. See, he lives all of 6 miles away. He could put my name on the envelope, add Tyndrum, and it would get to me, fine. I don’t think he appreciated it much. He hung up on me. Darn that outside voice.

**update** cash from said businessman delivered the next day. Cool. 🙂

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