10/10

Really. After a night on the batter, it’s best not to push buttons. Today is going to be a loooooooong day.

It’s Grand National day. I have paid my 6 quid for 3 high-odds donkeys. Don’t get me wrong, that doesn’t make me approve of the Grand cruelty involved in asking beautiful thoroughbreds to leap over fences, which until this year were constructed of brush filled with wood. At least they have ‘come to their senses’ and filled them with plastic. Really.

So, why the flutter? It gives me 3 times the opportunity to have a right royal whine at Pat charging an obscene £2 per horse. It’s good sport.

Firstly, this morning’s top score, goes to Ronnie. Quite industrious, walking out of the kitchen whisking eggs. He was about to serve the eggs. There was a sharp about-turn.

Best cooking them first. ROFL. He blushed. Excellent.

So, I just got my breakfast sorted and I was asked to speak to a ‘tour guide’.

Switch to German accent.

“Hello, I am tour guide.”

He waved a vista-print-esque (made up word) business card at me with writing so tiny, it could have been the directions to Dusseldorf for all I knew. (Wish it had been, will need directions to there in September.)

“I walk the West Highland Way. I bring groups in here in the summer. I would like discount in Outdoor Store. (Pause for breath) I would like to buy my friend some shoes.”

He was doing really well until he said that.

I said exactly that to him.

He even had the audacity to smile.

A sucker for a charity, there were two daft cyclists in this morning, going from Paisley to Skye in a day. I gave them breakfast and their ‘support team / journalist’ said, “we only need £20 more to get to £500.”

Yep. It worked.

My parting words to her were: “Use that line all the way to Skye. It works.”

So, I hope my long-legged thoroughbred romps home so I can recoup my personal expenditure. You never know, we might get a mention in dispatches in the Paisley press.

Join Together. 18/1 apparently, whatever that means.

Word of the day?
Soporific.
Describes the music currently playing on Ed’s laptop. The synonym is good: Slumberous

School day, eh?!

10/10 to the cycle crew, to Ronnie for being entertainingly dim and to Mr Duddledorf. Damn you autocorrect. That’s not getting changed.

On that note, I guess I had better get some work done.